Dating: The Proper Questioning

So, basically, this has turned into the “Peter gives advice on how to be a gentleman” blog, but, it still has to do with the truth, and it’s my blog so, I can do as I will, no?

First off, another disclaimer: I am not an expert; I’m just a guy with a keyboard who happens to think logically in a non logical world. You can take my advice, or you can leave it. I do not claim that this is the only way; just that this is a good way.

Now, this topic is a little hard to discuss for most men. It’s something that most men don’t have any idea how to do, and that shows in our society. A majority of dates now a’days are proposed by men who say, “Hey, you wanna maybe hang out on Saturday.” What in the world is that supposed to mean? If someone said that to me, I’d say no. Why? For several reasons.

First, it shows lack of resolve. You are attempting to ask a serious question, however, you are unsure of what the girl will say in return, so instead of asking directly, in fear of her saying no, you are beating around the bush. What do you think beating around the bush will help? Nothing. Be direct, if your so worried about what she’ll say, then maybe she’s not the right person to be asking.

Second, it shows lack of forethought, meaning, you want to ask her on a date but you don’t really have a plan for what you will do. Which goes back to the fact that you are not resolved. If you want to asks someone on a date, at least have an idea in mind, don’t try to spontaneously come up with something the moment it comes up.

Third, it says you’re not serious. Someone who is serious about something will go to great lengths to make sure that it works out. If you’re doubting yourself and haven’t put any time into planning anything, you’re not showing the initiative which means you’re not serious. So, rule number two (I’ll get to one in a moment) be direct, don’t beat around the bush, treat it seriously, you wouldn’t tell your mom that you kind of maybe got an A+ on that calculus test now would you? So don’t say it that way to woman either.

Okay, now, to rule numero uno. Talk to her dad beforehand, especially if she’s in highschool. This should be the first step in asking to do anything with any girl alone, or as a couple at a social event, even if it’s something as simple as going to a dance, or party. If you are specifically asking a certain girl to accompany you somewhere, you are effectively asking her if she trusts you to protect her. Since, outside of that instance, her father is the one who protects her, you should talk to her father beforehand. Additionally, talking to the father before hand does several things as well.

First, it assures the father that he can be comfortable allowing you to be around his daughter. For the most part, things done in secret are things done because you know someone wouldn’t approve. The only reason I can see for not talking to a woman’s father before asking her to accompany you somewhere or date/court her is that you are unsure of what the father will say and thus don’t want to risk him telling you that he doesn’t like you and telling you to stay away from his daughter. It’s not as if, you, being the good person that I know you are, should have anything to worry about. If you wanted to talk to the president of the united states, you’d have to go through his security detail first. They’d ask you questions to make sure you were a good person and a woman is no different, her father is her security detail, respect that.

Second, it shows that you take the matter of taking care of his daughter seriously. Being directly responsible for protecting another person is not something to take lightly. Talking to the father will assure him that you know that and you are responsible enough to take on that task.

Third, it’s a good assurance to the woman if she knows her father approves of you. Most women (at least to my knowledge) put a great deal of weight into what their fathers think. If their fathers don’t like someone, they are likely to not like them either, and vice versa.

Lastly, if you don’t have the nerve to talk to a woman’s father, you shouldn’t be in a relationship or asking a girl to allow you to accompany her somewhere with you.

Now, a common thing I’ve heard when talking to people about this is, “What if you just ask someone to go for a cup of coffee?” Well, it depends on the context. If you and a co-worker, who happens to be a woman, are working and lunch time roles around, asking her if she wants to go across the street and grab lunch with you would not require you to ask her father. Why? Because, you are not asking her to enter into your protection, you’re asking her to walk across the street and get some lunch. It’s not a formal request either, and you’re technically not singling her out either. Basically, the rule of thumb should be based of your intent. If your intent in asking the girl to go for lunch is to go get lunch and not be alone, then there is no reason to ask the father. However, if your intent in asking the girl is to get to know her at a more personal level, even if you’re not calling it a date, you should ask the father. As the older brother of two sisters, I personally would want to know who my sister was going to lunch with, even at a non personal level, and my father I’m sure cares even more. So, keeping the father on the same page can never hurt.

To finish, always remember, respect for the woman is key. If you lack respect, your going to lack anyone who wants to be close to you. All of these other things that I have brought up will fall into place if you remember to respect.